SAT – 사랑… 달아요 (Love Theme)

장혜진 - 슬픈 안녕 (Sad Theme)

HowL – 운명

V.O.S. – 이별보다 슬픈말

Korean Drama Cain & Abel (카인과 아벨) is so interesting and fun to watch. To me, this is one of the darker dramas that I have watched. It’s a very interesting drama where the two main guy characters are both surgical doctors and shows multiple scenes of surgeries. It makes me shut my eye or turn away. But all in all, I still find those scenes really fascinating. There are so many twists and hidden stuff in this drama, which is really different from so many of the other dramas that I watch. All of them talk about love, obstacles, enemies… nothing out of the ordinary. This drama puts a whole new look to all the problems and includes many mind twisting truths, which is something that I really like. I cannot stop watching, but I probably will have to stop soon since I’ll be leaving for Taiwan for two weeks!! =]

After all those picture taking, the batch was ready to go into the preheated oven.

Then later we went out to buy star jars while the brownies cooked. We had to ask my mom to look over the brownie and make sure it was cooked enough. And when we came home, success!

My very asian mom of course used chopstick to test if the brownies were cooked enough, not a toothpick, which was recommended on the box. And here’s the delicious brownie! :]

My friend brought up the fact that I seem to be meeting so many different people in my department. He is a facebook stalker! Hehe, just kidding! But he would sometimes come see the most recent album and he noticed how many people are in my pictures and all the comments I got with them (<3 comments and friends!) Then we went on talking about how I’ll be going to different places over the summer and he was noticing how many different kind of friends I have, some from China, Taiwan, and Japan. At first I thought that it’s only because the department is full of people of different ethnicity, but then this one comment came up…he didn’t know that many people in his department as well as I do.

I tend to not notice what is outside of my own department. But when I hangout with my friend Vicky, who is a Health Science major, would sometimes talk about how she knows people in her department but never get to know others enough to go out together outside of school. The music department seems to be very different. I noticed it too when I was taking General Education classes how the friendship just lasts for one semester and everyone just doesn’t contact each other anymore. Or most times, I never even get to meet anyone in my class and just go through the whole semester not meeting anyone.

In the music building, I am able to meet so many different people, those who sing, play a woodwind/brass/string/percussion instrument(s). It’s maybe because we are together almost on a daily bases for years if we entered college in the same year. And not only that, we have classes that are required for performance majors to join chamber groups, like duo, trio, quartet & quintet. And from that, we develop friendship and partnerships from those groups. And each semester the groupings would change and we get to meet new people and start the process over again. And through theory & history classes, people move together through classes, which makes people more comfortable in talking to familiar faces and fellow students.

There are groupies, like band, orchestra & percussion…but there’s no question to why that happens…because of the different major ensembles and instrument families, we tend to hang out with one group more than the other. But this semester, I’ve opened up to becoming friends with many people. So far I have friends from choir, and a few instrumentalists that play woodwind & brass instruments, and it’s still slowly expanding. I know people who play guitar, saxophone, percussion, trumpet, clarinet, oboe, bassoon, bass, viola, cello, flute, horn, trombone and multiple singers.

It’s hard to make it clear about how it’s different, but I tried my best. :]

Followers

To those who are followers, the ones that acts like someone else and lose their own personality, what makes you do that? Is it because you haven’t discovered yourself and is still on a journey to find yourself? Or does it mean you have low self-confidence and need a role model to follow?

I myself was a follower in high school. My very awesome friend named Kimberly T. has such a strong personality and displayed her talents without being proud, but humble. A lot of people just love to be around her and others will try to become more like her by copying what she did. I was a little bit like that since she is someone I admire. She was the one that made me like the color orange so much because of her strong personality. She convinced me that orange is not a ugly color and thus orange is one of my favorite colors now. She was very talented with art things, with music, crafting and drawing/coloring. She made me jealous of her skills, but that’s not the way it’s suppose to be.

Even if I tried to be more like her, the more I would fail because essentially,I am not being true to my own interests. Here’s an example, I wanted to become better at drawing like my friend, but really, I don’t have the talent for that, and the more I try to reach the goal, the more I trip and fall and hurt myself in ways that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

As a follower for so many years, I was lost, confused and not happy. Somehow in those years, I never realized this was the reason to why I was constantly not happy. It’s good to know that I finally figured out the reason to all those sad & quiet days.

HOWEVER, as a follower, it doesn’t mean you had the same experience as me! And being a follower isn’t a bad thing, it is also another way you discover yourself through other people. (thanks, pinkperformance :])  I had a post about how I picked up different habits, though rather small, from my friends that I hang out with. Most of the times, we are described by the people we spend time with and hang out together a lot with. If you are a follower, be one that is true to yourself, let things happen naturally instead of forcing yourself to change. It’s nice to be on a journey to find yourself through friends! Don’t get me wrong, but I might have had a negative way of saying my own experience.

The Followed

To those who are followed by others, what makes us models for other people? How does it feel to followed and looked up to?

In my own opinion as one that is being followed now, the followed ones have a strong sense of their own likes and dislikes and display their talents humbly. They also display their personality with confidence and ignorance. You might ask, why ignorance? From my experience, you have to be ignorant of how other people will view you. Sure we all have our own faults, but if we put the faults out of the picture, people should not be afraid to express themselves to others. Everyone is different in their own ways, which makes every one of us unique. I used to not understand that and would be envious and compared myself to other people, but that is not how it should be.

BUT, even though as one that is being followed, we are all still followers of some sort, in small ways. As I am still changing a bit of my personalities because of others, to make myself a better person in general.

My Experience

I had a friend that is following me, and she is the reason why I started writing about this topic. If someone noticed I had a negative response to followers, it’s because I don’t like being followed. Sure, we all pick up different bits of personality for others, but when it comes to someone trying to be like me, I really dislike it. It makes me sad to see one being so out of place in my eyes. And my past experience as a follower, I wonder why I was so stupid to make that choice of being someone who is so lost all the time. It makes me really sad to see my friend, trying to act like me completely, which makes her seem out of place to me. It annoys me to know she is not being herself. How should I have more patience for my friend?

For example, I have a habit of pulling on guys’ sleeves or hoods to get their attention (in a good way!) or to get some comfort because somehow that makes me feel comfy and safe. After a while, my friend started seeing my habit and copied me exactly the same way. She did not get the same response I did from the guys because the guys would either move away or tell her to stop that. And when I see her doing that, I KNOW she is copying me. And that might have made her feel even more out of place because she is not being true to her own personality and actions.

Whatever you do, don’t follow me that drastically. Everyone is unique in their own ways, but you have to discover it slowly through others and not just simply copying what you see your friends doing. I am one of the more independent people and that’s why it hurts for me to see someone trying to be me because I feel I don’t deserve to be followed because I have my own flaws and weaknesses. Not that I don’t like myself, but why follow me when you can be yourself right?

Followers, be strong, don’t be like me who had such a bad experience, take your time to find your unique self. It’s like a puzzle, you have to pick up pieces you like that fits you and place them together to form yourself.

Ending with a picture I took for one of my photography projects this semester:

My love for all instruments never cease…

It is amazing to me how when I make the first move to talk to someone, it makes all the difference. I remember all the times when others would approach me and inside I would be so happy and instantly open up and start talking freely with them. I’m sure it’s like that for everyone, but most of the time, everyone is also too afraid to make the first move.

There was this one situation where I’ve know this guy, Matt, since Fall 2009, but never gotten the chance to talk to him. I’ve heard so much about him, how he is such a nice and funny guy. I’ve always wished I could meet him and see why everyone says he is what he is. So, while I was taking pictures during an opera production, he catches me taking pictures and tells me to send good pictures of him to his email. First encounter. After watching him talk to other people, I could already tell he was a nice guy. I took my chances. After the last production of the opera, we got cake, and I walked in and see him holding his very messy plate. I started joking with him about how messy he is and he started joking right back; he laughed at my attempt and my reaction.  And thus, we are started getting to know each other more. Matt is a very funny and cool guy to talk to!! =)

There are a few more situations, but I don’t need to list all of them. But all in all, EVERYONE IS SO AWESOME, in their own ways. Only when I opened up, they followed and I get to discover how they really are and everyone really has very different, but fun personality. It is always a joy to meet new people.

Not only did I realize everyone was very nice, everyone is more than willing to help if you ask them for help! I used to be the one that never asked for help from anyone, but everyone would come to me for help and I’m always more than willing to. Oh, what a fool I was to be so shy and not ask for help from anyone. This semester I was taking a photography class, and for my final project, I decided to take pictures of instruments and musicians with their instruments. This was a way of pushing myself out of my comfort zone to go ask others to let me take pictures of them. Now I am not afraid to ask for favors from others because I know everyone will help to the best of their abilities.

Through photography, I’ve met a lot of people too. For the past year that I’ve had my DSLR, I’ve never taken it to school to take pictures. But after I took the photography class, I wanted to explore photography more by taking pictures of people in recitals or concerts. It’s crazy how I’ve taken so many pictures for so many people this month, but every single time I did, I meet new people. By bringing my camera, it is another way of expressing my personality through things I like to do. For the Guitar Ensemble Concert, I took pictures of each performer, and joined one of my guitarist friend, Az, after the concert. I met Thanh at that time and we started chatting about my camera and he ended up asking me to take pictures for his recital if I had the time. I took up the offer and went to his recital and saw what an amazing guitarist he is, he speaks through his music and I learned so much about him. Another one was when I took pictures for three different recitals in one day, I met about six other music majors. Whee, I just love how much I’ve changed.

I am happy =)

I spent this month going to different recitals and concerts to practice taking pictures in stage lighting, which can be really challenging. One thing I learned is that I need to have more control over the camera, and maybe even a tripod stand…because my hands get so shaky while taking the pictures when it has longer exposure times. Maybe one way to take the pictures is to take it at a very fast shutter speed and lighten everything up in lightroom…who knows…

But after all the hard work of editing (I could do better and spend more time on it, but since it’s finals month, I couldn’t) and posting all the pictures up on facebook, it’s always such a joy to read people’s comments and makes me even happier when they choose one of the pictures I took as their profile picture. That tells me that I succeeded in taking really good photos or I edited them pretty well. So far, from the La Didone production, five people chose to use the pictures I took as their profile picture =)

I don’t know what it is about photography that makes me like it so much..maybe it’s the joy of being able to meet new people when I sneak stalker shots? Hehe, just kidding. But I did meet quite a few new people or got to know others better. Just to name a few…Jerry, Matt, Sara, Dan, Thomas, Thanh, Danielle, Nancy, Katsuya, and Brian. Photography just opens up so many possibilities for me, and somehow lifts me up like I’m floating. Hehe, it sounds silly, but that’s how I feel. At the same time, this is a way to express myself through the pictures that I take, it’s like a whole new side of me I didn’t know about it until I stepped outside my bubble and went out taking pictures of people I know and people I don’t know.

I was over at a friends house with tons of other Church friends and I was playing Aeris’ Theme on the grand piano in the small living room. A guy that plays viola, who is majoring in violin and viola performance now, walks by and asks in a very surprised tone, “is that Aeris’ Theme?” I nodded my head. He then said, “that doesn’t even sound like it!” He and his friends then laugh at me as they walked past to go into the kitchen.

It’s not fair for people to look down on others just because they play the simpler version of a song! What would he do if he goes to see a high school orchestra that is playing the watered down version of Finlandia by Jean Sibelius? Is he going to laugh and say how it’s so easy and make the students feel stupid? He made me feel like dumb person that cannot play anything. I learned piano by myself thank you, and had to figure out the left hand part because I couldn’t read bass clef yet. He surely had private lessons before and I’ve heard him play Aeris’ Theme, and it sound really good! I look up to him for that, but I look down at him and his ego. He also has perfect pitch, which can sometimes make one feel he/she is superior to other musicians. Perfect pitch has almost nothing in terms of helping someone express the music more in my opinion.

I just wanted to write that out so I don’t have to think about it anymore.

On the other hand, I remember when I would be playing Tong Hua or River Flows in You, and one of my friend would quietly sit on the side or next to me and just listen to me play. I would mess up so much because I’m nervous in front of him. “Ah, I keep messing up >_<” he would just say, “it’s ok, keep playing!”  Hehe, that just makes me smile

First one I’ve noticed that changed drastically, and something that I had to think about constantly is my friendship anyone in general. I’ve become more open and started joking a lot more, breaking out of my comfort zone to talk to other people. Been getting positive responses from everyone, including guys.

Second one relates to the first one, I’ve started talking to guys more, decided they don’t have cooties after all. I opened up the possibility of becoming better friends with guys. Since my sophomore year in high school, I’ve never been friends with that many guys at all..yes I might know them, but I don’t talk too much to them. But that’s different now, I feel like if I just take a step outside my comfort zone, I get others to open up to me too and it makes me happy to know that guys are willing to open up to me. I feel very blessed to have so many people I can talk to and get advice from.

Third, is kind of not noticeable, is that I’ve stopped making guy problems bigger than they seem. I used to be so unfair to guys in general, if they like me and I don’t like them back that way, or I could just sense a little bit, I just stop talking to them. I would not stop talking about my problems and would repeat things over and over again. I feel so bad for my close friends that they had to sit through with me and listen. But I’m happy I have friends that are willing to listen to me.

Fourth thing that I’ve noticed, is my new appreciation for music as a whole. After taking all the different fundamental classes, I’ve realized how little of the music world I have touch, and how little artists and pieces that I know. I’ve become more creative with phrasing and in-cooperating it into my pieces. I’ve finally developed the need to play with my own style, but learn from other’s and added and varying my own musical style. Exploring composers and new music on the side gives me more chances to understand the different music eras and the kind of style that the music should be played in with the different composers.

So there’s all the things! I think they are all very big changes in my life, but I did not notice them until now, which is surprising, but maybe it’s because I’ve haven’t had time to sit down and think about things in a long time.

In percussion fundamentals, we learned about all the Latin American instruments, like the bongos, Ago go, shakers, clave, and some other instruments, and learned the basic rhythm for each instrument. Then we went off playing a piece that required me to play congas, chimes, woodblocks, sus. cymbals, and some other thing? I forgot. But it is always a joy to be in that class, I’m seriously considering taking percussion ensemble to get better with percussion instruments.

Right after class ended, I had to head over to Independence High School to observe and teach a warm up for two minutes. I got a ride from David because I was too lazy to walk to my car and drive over since I forgot my GPS and did not want to take the chance of getting lost and being late. I was totally unprepared because I was planning to arrive later to teach a warm up for band, but I made it in time for orchestra and decided to jump up there and teach bow management.  I was being too polite and didn’t ask much of the students, and somewhat failed at conducting the students, but it was very good experience to have, let me learn more about my own teaching style.

After that, I got a ride from Cristela and headed off to Dublin to go to JW Pepper. My teacher was surprised to see me there because I had a sudden change in schedule, I was suppose to have class at 2pm, but it got cancelled due to other people not being able to make it, so I went to the class visit. I learned how JW Pepper is a very good resource for teachers, they have catalogs of pieces and scores of pieces divided into difficulty for teachers to look through and choose the right kind of music for their band, orchestra and choir.

We had to do a short examination of the method books for middle school and high school, which took about an hour, and we got a goodie bag full of catalogs, pen, cds and a water bottle! The drive back took longer, and I fell asleep in the car since I was really tired. Then I walked back to my car, and drove home, had just enough time to change and had my mom drop me off at school for the concert. The concert went pretty well! Danielle Crook sang really well, I’ve always loved how she is able to express so much through her singing! And Keith Hunter also gave a wonderful performance! He makes the trombone sound like such a soft instrument, with a very brilliant and bright sound, and soft and sweet sound which I’ve never really thought the trombone can have.

Yumi forgot she had concert managing, and she got to school right at 7:30. She did not get a chance to eat dinner and was starving after the concert, so we decided to go to Bj’s. On the way to her car, we spotted Dylan, the short, chubby guy with a longboard! I wasn’t sure if it was him but kept on looking until we got closer. Yumi invited him along and we ate at Bj’s. They both ordered an alcoholic drink, one was a very peachy drink, and the other was root beer alcohol? It tasted ok, but the peach drink was so sweet, exactly the kind of drink I like. I ended up ordering a honey chicken salad, which used honey mustard dressing.

Funny thing is that Dylan got tipsy and started saying so many weird things and did so many things he usually doesn’t do. It’s just so funny to watch him talk with a different tone. He just cracked Yumi and me up the whole night. I ordered a white chocolate pizook, and Dylan and Yumi ended up eating half of it when I planned to finish it by myself!!

Yep, then I got home at 12, which was considered pretty late. It was a very exciting but tiring day.